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06/23/2005 Entry: "When Did You Know?"

Aaron asks: When did you know? What was the moment when you knew you were gay?

At 8 years old, I grabbed a friend's package as we were playing at his house. I knew that I wanted to grab it. I didn't know why. I certainly didn't know what to do afterwards. We sort of looked at each other uncomfortably. I let go, and we went back to playing with trucks.

At 10 years old, I had a crush on another boy in school. I wouldn't have given it that name at the time, certainly, but in retrospect that's exactly what it was. I wasn't certain what I wanted from Jonathan, but I knew I wanted something.

At age 12, I finally knew what to call it, but I didn't know why it was happening to me. I didn't know what to do about it. I thought about dying a few times, but I also didn't know what that would accomplish.

At age 14, I experimented with another boy for the first time. I didn't know why I hadn't done this sooner. I didn't know why I'd ever thought dying was a better choice than this.

At age 16, I first told someone else. I didn't know if it would explode in my face or not, but I felt like I had to. (It's been OK so far.)

At age 18 I first kissed another man—something which happened long after I'd first had sex with one. Again, I didn't know why I had waited so long.

When did you know?

Replies: 4 comments

As a youth, I had an unhealthy obession with Shaun Cassidy of the hardy boys. But look at his photo!


what isn't dreamy about that? I really didn't understand that it was a crush, but it was. I was crushing heavy for him.

I also had fun with my Harry Hamlin action figure from Clash of the Titans. I loved that movie and his big big nipples.

(omg.. the hair)

At least they were big on the screen. But with some unfortunate run ins with less than nice people and sex in my youth, I really held off any sort of gay declarations until I was 19.

I knew when I was 15, but that was 1985 and all gay people had AIDs and were dying. I didn't want to die, but no one knew how you got AIDs (it seemed), so I was afraid that if I said something, I would die.

I had my first dating experience when I was 19. I dated a drag queen and snuck into his bar to watch him perform. We didn't last.

I met Brent when I was 22.. the rest is history.

Posted by Greg @ 06/24/2005 06:48 AM PST

Very nice. Thank you Casey.

Greg? You had Clash of the Titans Action Figures!?! Lucky

Posted by Aaron @ 07/07/2005 11:05 AM PST

I think I may still have my Clash of the Titans action figures. I would have to dig around.

I know that I have many of my Dungeon and Dragons action figures.

Posted by Greg @ 07/08/2005 10:04 AM PST

I knew when I was born that I was "different than the other boys!" (in other words, gay!)

Posted by rgvaughan2003@yahoo.com @ 09/26/2005 12:14 AM PST

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