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12/31/2003 Entry: "Letting Time Slip (Greasily) Away."

I've heard it said that people (under capitalism) are not built to handle free time well; we find it difficult to just sit and be idle, particuarly given the number of options available to us.

As of about three hours ago I would have agreed with you. We don't have TV in the house, so I couldn't use America's drug of choice. There's no Christmas buying rush anymore; I can't justify going to define myself by what I purchase. I could work on the site redesign. I could play SSX3 some more. I was trying not to snack compulsively. I'd tried it all: masturbation, procrastination, mastication, Playstation. I was devoid of ideas, and was beginning to look at this week off as a particular waste of time. "I'd have something to do if I was at work," I groused, and then, hearing myself for the first time, stopped in my tracks. I was working hard, like a good capitalist, trying to make my time productive. To produce leisure. But having unscheduled time is only half of the wonder of free time: it's meaningless unless we also feel free enough to spend it anyway we see fit.

As penance for the remark I took a rather lengthy bubble bath (with candles burning and Swayzac playing), had three nice glasses of red wine, and moisturized exceedingly well. I'd go play drunken, naked Playstation now, but a) I'm concerned about leaving a pair of half-moon shaped emollient stains on the futon cover, and b) I'm beginning to nod off. I think it's time to do what comes naturally.

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